Self Coaching Tips that Can Increase Confidence

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Positive feelings of self worth are your most valuable asset. Although invisible, the power of confidence is undeniable. Looking at the causes of low self esteem can lead you to deeper understanding of yourself and improve your self worth.


If you suffer from low self worth, or have poor self confidence, then it will be very difficult to find the peace you are seeking.





Some questions you might ask to determine if you, or someone you love is suffering from low self worth are:



• Do I have an eating disorder? This is western society’s current epidemic; everyone thinks that they are overweight, even those who are not.



• Are you experiencing relationship troubles? Do you have affairs, intimacy problems, or commitment issues?



• Am I suffering from any physical ailments? Chronic illness or pain is a major stress in the lives of many.



• Do I use drugs and/or alcohol to hide from my feelings?



• Maybe I work way too much. This steals time from a very important social life.



• A lot of people’s money goes to the mall; shopaholics are everywhere. Is this a problem for me?



• Why do I smoke? Besides being highly addictive, some people hide behind this habit.



• Am I dependent on others to keep me occupied or from feeling bored?



All of these issues are deeply rooted within our culture. They have become so common that they may be considered normal. Everyone you know uses at least one of these outlets to avoid their real issues.



Your self worth is directly impacted by how you perceive yourself and how you react to those feelings. When you are too critical of your self, you only hurt your self esteem and you’ll find it hard to feel happy and content.



The majority of our problems stem from childhood. Children deeply desire approval from their parents. They want to feel unconditional love at all times. If your upbringing included abandonment, then your self worth has most likely taken a direct hit.



Were you expected to be perfect all the time? Were your parents impatient with your mistakes? If so, you may avoid taking risks now, even healthy ones, in fear of failure or to fall short or what you think is expected of you. You may decide not even to try anything new because your scared you won’t be able to do it perfectly. This only causes regret and adds to your misery.



Having a ‘drill sergeant’ for a parent, one who was constantly pushing, preaching or yelling at you, would also cause painful memories and low self esteem. Growing up with angry parents is very harmful to anybody’s self worth. The child may become timid or nervous around others, or even worse, they may grow up with their own anger issues and act out violently towards others.



Maybe you were neglected by your parents. Not getting the proper time and attention as children can reek havoc on our happiness.



Another problem that’s fairly common is the contradictory or mixed messages you got from your parents. Maybe you were told to follow your dreams, but when you shared them, you were given countless reasons why that would be impossible, and to stop daydreaming. Many mothers say to their daughters, “That boy is teasing to you because he likes you.” What??? This leads girls (women) to believe that it’s ok to be in an abusive relationship. After all, he’s being mean because he ‘cares’ about me.



Conflicting beliefs continually work against each other at the sub conscious level. These hidden beliefs can be very difficult to overcome, mainly because you probably aren’t even aware of most of them. You may want to believe one thing, but your mind is secretly telling you something else.



People with low self-esteem have a vicious inner critic who robs them of their confidence. Low self esteem makes it hard to cope with life and difficult for you to make decisions. Having low self esteem may cause you to be afraid of taking risks or challenges, which you interpret as further proof that you are undeserving or a failure. Since you are in the habit of being so critical of yourself, you become extra critical of others too. This only allows more negativity to creep into your life.



Being mindful or paying attention to your thoughts and feelings is key to self discovery and being confident; as long as it’s done in a non-judgmental way. You need to show compassion and accept yourself just as you are. If you hate yourself all day, everyday, you’re causing toxic energy to become a part of you and every area of your life. Talking down to yourself will keep you connected with feelings of unworthiness. If you keep shoving salt in your wounds, they will never have a chance to heal.



Try to remember the happiest moment of your childhood. Imagine yourself as that child once again. Be nurturing and love that child as you would your own baby or someone else you truly care about. Coach yourself by saying things that make you feel better. Treat your emotions as your child and guide them away from danger.



Intentionally talk to yourself (I mean only in your mind of course) in a way that you wished to be talked to when you were young. Tell yourself you are proud of you! Celebrate that great idea you had. Believe you are a special person and know you have the right to be happy. Congratulate and take pride in yourself often. When you do a good job, make sure you know you did a good job. Mistakes will be made, you are human after all. Understand you make mistakes for the purpose of learning and growing; the next time you will do things differently.



Be sure to cultivate feelings of accepting yourself just the way you are. Don’t beat yourself up if you break down and cry; simply remind yourself that tears are cleansing to your soul. Release all tension during your cry. Let it all out, and then let it go. Remember its okay to have lots of differing feelings, that’s normal. And always, always apologize to yourself when you realize you have swayed off course. Saying sorry to you is a healthy way to overcome any feelings of guilt that you may be harboring.

Be observant and you will learn much about yourself. What makes you who you are? What is it that makes you tick? Realize that you are not the problem, but your old, out dated mind programs are to blame. Like all programs, this one can be tweaked for the better as well. Adding more positive thought patterns to your running program has been proven to help increase your self worth and aids you in overcoming habitual, self destructive thinking.

Using The Law Of Vibration To Manifest Your Vision

Science and Metaphysics agree. The essence of all things is

vibration. Science reveals that everything in the manifest

universe is ultimately composed of packets of energy; quantized

units vibrating at specific frequencies. Esoteric wisdom reveals

that in the beginning, all things were created through sound

(i.e. vibration); whether it be the 'OM' of Eastern mysticism or

the 'Word'/Logos of Western spirituality.



Our thoughts, feelings and actions also have their own particular

rates of vibration. These vibrations will set up resonance with

whatever possesses identical frequency. In other words, your

thoughts are inseparably connected to the rest of the universe.



This is why it is so essential to be a close observer of

yourself. As you think, feel and act, so you create the primary

vibration of your being. This fundamental vibration then creates

resonance with identical vibration frequencies in the universe.

The result is an attraction of circumstances, people, challenges

and opportunities in exact vibrational resonance with your own

dominant vibration frequency.



This principle lies at the heart of visualization techniques,

affirmations and the whole personal development movement. When

you visualize and repeat affirmations, you are helping to tune

your very being to a specific vibrational frequency on the inner

planes. Once that task is achieved, your mind comes into

vibrational resonance with the object of your desires. Being now

of the same frequency, this object (or goal) is inevitably

attracted into your life.



However, for such methods to work, it does imply that you have

changed your core vibration. This is very often the problem AND

explanation as to why such techniques seem to fail for so many

people. Over the course of many years, your inner conditioning is

created from the habitual thoughts, feelings and actions

that you engage in. This forms your self-image and creates the

level of self-esteem you feel. It shapes the way you

conceptualize the world you live in, as well as the way you

respond to it. It is how you interpret your life experiences.



If a person simply mouths affirmations or writes goals out,

without having touched the deep bedrock of their long-term

conditioning, such activities will not have much effect. This is

because the dominant vibration has not changed. You cannot go

against what your self-image, and your predominant conditioning,

say you are.



Thought is where it all begins. As your conscious mind dwells

habitually on thoughts of a certain quality, these become firmly

imbedded within the subconscious mind. They become the dominant

vibration. This dominant vibration sets up a resonance with other

similar vibrations and draws them into your life. This is easier

to understand if you consider that from the metaphysical view,

the whole universe IS MIND.



Hence, to draw what you wish into your life, you should begin

with the mind, and make it your primary focus. Most people do

things the other way around, and come up with practical

techniques to generate their desires, and then go out and try

them. However, when these methods are not in tune with your

dominant vibration, then you will have great difficulty making

the desired results come to pass. You will also feel most

uncomfortable if they do. You have trained your mind in a certain

way, you have set the thermostat at a certain level, and now you

are trying to exceed the limits you have set upon yourself by

sheer force.



The trap most people fall into is that they condition their

future with expectations from their past. It's like driving with

your eyes fixed on the rear view mirror the whole time. You

cannot see where you are going because you are too busy looking

back on past history. Is it any wonder that, for most people, the

future DOES closely resemble the past?!



The problem is that, by focusing continually on what you have

become as a result of past conditioning, you guarantee that you

draw this same dominant vibration into the future. This is also

why your desired future can seem so far away from you. It is

vibrating at an alien frequency and hence, in a real sense, it IS

very far away.



Instead, you have to first change the dominant vibration within.

Once your dominant vibration is in harmony with what you seek,

the latter must literally be 'attracted' to you without excessive

striving! It will seem easy in comparison to what came before. In

a very real sense, you have to become what you seek on the inside

before you can ever have it in physical reality.



There are several ways to gradually change the dominant vibration

of your inner being, and begin to resonantly attract what you

seek. One important thing to do is to have a clear vision of your

life as you want it to be; completely independent of the

circumstances of your present or past. Lack of absolute clarity

about their desired future could well be the number one reason

why people fail in life.





You are creating something new from the universal intelligence,

and drawing it into your reality. You do NOT have to base this

upon the past, your perceived weaknesses, or anything else that

derives from your limited self-image.



A good way to gain clarity is to write down in detail the

attainment of what you seek. What would it look like? How would

you feel if you achieved it? What difference would it make to

your life? It may take you days, or even weeks, to create this

vision, but it is time well spent.



By creating a vision of your desired state and putting energy

into it regularly, you use mind power to shape the very stuff of

creation. You create this imagined 'reality' in your mind to the

point where your subconscious actually believes it to be physical

reality and goes about making it so. It will attract the

circumstances, the people, and the opportunities you need to

bring about the vision you have created.



If you are doubtful about this, consider for a moment that you

are doing this anyway. The only difference is that you may be

unaware you are doing it. If so, your overall vibration is

incoherent, and hence your results fluctuate wildly. By becoming

conscious, you take conscious control of the creative process and

can learn to manifest at will.



Another way to change your vibration rate is to act 'as if'. If

you had already attained what you seek, how would you think and

act? Well, start thinking and acting that way right now. Again,

this helps to impress the dominant vibration you choose upon your

subconscious mind. Again, you have been doing this all your life

anyway. Simply take conscious deliberate control of the process

from now on. For instance, Cary Grant is known to have said:



'I acted like Cary Grant for so long, I became him.'



Taking time to meditate regularly on the truth that all is

vibration, seeing this reality in all is myriad guises, will also

help reinforce it upon your mind - both conscious and

subconscious. You will begin to believe it, and what you believe

is what you act upon.



The reason most people achieve very little in comparison to what

they are capable of is because they have no vision for the future

whatsoever. Focused, single-minded concentration upon a vision

you seek to create is what will actually cause it to happen. You

have to read your description every day (preferably twice or

more), and then vividly imagine it. Begin to live that reality

now in your mind's eye, and you make its future manifestation all

the more rapid. Do not even worry about how it will happen. Just

do your part and let the universe, through the law of vibration,

do the rest.





Copyright 2002, Asoka Selvarajah. All Rights Reserved.

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