Self Coaching Tips that Can Increase Confidence

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Positive feelings of self worth are your most valuable asset. Although invisible, the power of confidence is undeniable. Looking at the causes of low self esteem can lead you to deeper understanding of yourself and improve your self worth.


If you suffer from low self worth, or have poor self confidence, then it will be very difficult to find the peace you are seeking.





Some questions you might ask to determine if you, or someone you love is suffering from low self worth are:



• Do I have an eating disorder? This is western society’s current epidemic; everyone thinks that they are overweight, even those who are not.



• Are you experiencing relationship troubles? Do you have affairs, intimacy problems, or commitment issues?



• Am I suffering from any physical ailments? Chronic illness or pain is a major stress in the lives of many.



• Do I use drugs and/or alcohol to hide from my feelings?



• Maybe I work way too much. This steals time from a very important social life.



• A lot of people’s money goes to the mall; shopaholics are everywhere. Is this a problem for me?



• Why do I smoke? Besides being highly addictive, some people hide behind this habit.



• Am I dependent on others to keep me occupied or from feeling bored?



All of these issues are deeply rooted within our culture. They have become so common that they may be considered normal. Everyone you know uses at least one of these outlets to avoid their real issues.



Your self worth is directly impacted by how you perceive yourself and how you react to those feelings. When you are too critical of your self, you only hurt your self esteem and you’ll find it hard to feel happy and content.



The majority of our problems stem from childhood. Children deeply desire approval from their parents. They want to feel unconditional love at all times. If your upbringing included abandonment, then your self worth has most likely taken a direct hit.



Were you expected to be perfect all the time? Were your parents impatient with your mistakes? If so, you may avoid taking risks now, even healthy ones, in fear of failure or to fall short or what you think is expected of you. You may decide not even to try anything new because your scared you won’t be able to do it perfectly. This only causes regret and adds to your misery.



Having a ‘drill sergeant’ for a parent, one who was constantly pushing, preaching or yelling at you, would also cause painful memories and low self esteem. Growing up with angry parents is very harmful to anybody’s self worth. The child may become timid or nervous around others, or even worse, they may grow up with their own anger issues and act out violently towards others.



Maybe you were neglected by your parents. Not getting the proper time and attention as children can reek havoc on our happiness.



Another problem that’s fairly common is the contradictory or mixed messages you got from your parents. Maybe you were told to follow your dreams, but when you shared them, you were given countless reasons why that would be impossible, and to stop daydreaming. Many mothers say to their daughters, “That boy is teasing to you because he likes you.” What??? This leads girls (women) to believe that it’s ok to be in an abusive relationship. After all, he’s being mean because he ‘cares’ about me.



Conflicting beliefs continually work against each other at the sub conscious level. These hidden beliefs can be very difficult to overcome, mainly because you probably aren’t even aware of most of them. You may want to believe one thing, but your mind is secretly telling you something else.



People with low self-esteem have a vicious inner critic who robs them of their confidence. Low self esteem makes it hard to cope with life and difficult for you to make decisions. Having low self esteem may cause you to be afraid of taking risks or challenges, which you interpret as further proof that you are undeserving or a failure. Since you are in the habit of being so critical of yourself, you become extra critical of others too. This only allows more negativity to creep into your life.



Being mindful or paying attention to your thoughts and feelings is key to self discovery and being confident; as long as it’s done in a non-judgmental way. You need to show compassion and accept yourself just as you are. If you hate yourself all day, everyday, you’re causing toxic energy to become a part of you and every area of your life. Talking down to yourself will keep you connected with feelings of unworthiness. If you keep shoving salt in your wounds, they will never have a chance to heal.



Try to remember the happiest moment of your childhood. Imagine yourself as that child once again. Be nurturing and love that child as you would your own baby or someone else you truly care about. Coach yourself by saying things that make you feel better. Treat your emotions as your child and guide them away from danger.



Intentionally talk to yourself (I mean only in your mind of course) in a way that you wished to be talked to when you were young. Tell yourself you are proud of you! Celebrate that great idea you had. Believe you are a special person and know you have the right to be happy. Congratulate and take pride in yourself often. When you do a good job, make sure you know you did a good job. Mistakes will be made, you are human after all. Understand you make mistakes for the purpose of learning and growing; the next time you will do things differently.



Be sure to cultivate feelings of accepting yourself just the way you are. Don’t beat yourself up if you break down and cry; simply remind yourself that tears are cleansing to your soul. Release all tension during your cry. Let it all out, and then let it go. Remember its okay to have lots of differing feelings, that’s normal. And always, always apologize to yourself when you realize you have swayed off course. Saying sorry to you is a healthy way to overcome any feelings of guilt that you may be harboring.

Be observant and you will learn much about yourself. What makes you who you are? What is it that makes you tick? Realize that you are not the problem, but your old, out dated mind programs are to blame. Like all programs, this one can be tweaked for the better as well. Adding more positive thought patterns to your running program has been proven to help increase your self worth and aids you in overcoming habitual, self destructive thinking.